Have you ever wondered what to say in an rTribe update?
Do you have a check-in streak going but want to get more out of your check ins?
Learn how to up your rTribe update game from author Andrew Boa, who is also one of our rTribe coaches.
The rTribe Team
The Secret to rTribe Updates
Many rTribe users make a habit of posting regular updates without a clear criteria for how to do them well. Over time, updates can become either stagnant or stressful. Either people feel better about themselves but nothing really changes (stagnant), or they feel the need to change but also more pressure as a result (stressful). The solution is not to stop updating each other. We can’t dismiss the importance of consistently connecting with the people in our tribe. Instead, we need to refine the way we write updates in order to more effectively accomplish our recovery goals.
The following is a simple structure you can use when writing updates to your tribe:
1. Choose one word that captures how you have been feeling lately.
2. Summarize how your journey of recovery has been going and why.
(What situations have I found myself in and how have I responded to them?)
3. Conclude your update with one of the following statements:
• I’d like to be encouraged.
• I’d like to be challenged.
• I’d like to be encouraged and challenged.
4. Receive any encouragements or challenges others may have for you.
This method gives you an efficient way to self-reflect, share honestly, and invite input from others. By asking for input, you give people permission to speak comforting or uncomfortable truths as needed. This practice also promotes accountability as people ask follow up questions about the challenges they gave you to see if they have been completed. Writing updates in this way generates a rhythm of confession and affirmation that builds momentum and catalyzes the recovery process.
When writing an update, make sure it is:
- Transparent, but not too long. Be completely honest. At the same time, don’t ramble on and on. Especially when sharing with a larger group, a long update can swallow up space and sap the energy of others if left without limits.
- Short, but not shallow. If you do manage to keep your update short, it might not go below the surface level. Talk about what’s going on in your brain, not just in your behavior. Think of your update as a summary of recent events, emotions, and choices related to your ongoing recovery.
When responding to an update from someone else, try to be:
- Encouraging, not excusing. If the person giving an update would like to be encouraged, give encouragement. Don’t excuse bad behavior, but don’t berate it either. Notice signs of improvement. Communicate truth and apply it to the person’s life situation.
- Challenging, not comfortable. If the person giving an update would like to be challenged, offer a challenge. Make sure the challenge is both doable and measurable so that you can follow up on it later. Give the person permission to accept or reject your challenge.
Consider creating a challenge based on one of the “healthy activities” pictured below.
When you put this process into practice with your tribe, you’ll create an environment for recovery that is less stagnant, less stressful, and more successful as people gain greater traction toward healing and wholeness.
Andrew A. Boa (MA, Wheaton College Graduate School) is the author of Redeemed Sexuality. Andrew lives in California with his wife and young daughter.
Interested in receiving coaching from Andrew Boa?
Andrew specializes in helping men discover healthy sexuality. Match with him directly by opening this link on your phone, or entering code DREW929 when you get to the direct matching screen.
Adapted from Redeemed Sexuality by Andrew A. Boa. ©2017 by Andrew A. Boa. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove IL 60515-1426. www.ivpress.com/redeemed-sexuality