I Had to Quit a Job I Loved, but now I’m 3yrs Sober (Matt C.)
Tell us a little about yourself?
I’m 31 and married with a wife and two amazing kids. My struggle is primarily with porn but i did have an affair.
Tell us about your struggle with acting out and what led you to seek transformation?
I started with pornography at the age of 14. When I turned 18 and got a computer for college is when my porn addiction really took hold and then turned into more risky behavior. When porn didn’t feed it anymore, I turned to online chat of trading images and then moving to sex with others. I was dating my wife and the sex with others stopped, but I was still using apps and porn.
I tried a few times to purge everything where I deleted accounts etc. It would last a week or two and I would go right back in. I remember being at the gym and while others were working out I was working out my fingers typing trying to feed my addiction by talking to girls online. I took my addiction a step further and had an affair in which my wife found out and led me into recovery as I didn’t know sex addiction was a thing.
What were some of your low moments along the way?
There have been a lot of low moments.
– I’ve tried suicide twice when I was in my 20s to escape who I was.
– Almost losing my family, and still trying not to lose them.
– I’ve tried overdosing on pills.
– I felt forced to sleep around, when in my mind, I didn’t want to.
– I had to quit a job I loved because my affair was with a co-worker while traveling on business.
Anything to numb the pain from my childhood. At the time dating apps were getting big and I found it was an easy way to feed my addiction.
What are some of the things that have helped you the most on your healing journey?
The largest is the support I have found for myself. For the last past three years, I’ve seen two sex addiction therapists and go to regular SCA meetings.
Another is seeing a priest again, I stopped going to church for over 5 years. We talk about religion and questions I have as I’ve blamed god for all that was wrong. The priest has actually reached out to me twice for resources to help other couples which really did help with my recovery. It gave me a high, like porn would, which is why I wanted to help others.
One thing that really had an impact is learning that everyone has a cross to bare. Each cross is a different sizes and I would not have this cross if god felt I couldn’t handle it. This has lead me to look into getting a Celtic cross to celebrate 3 years of sobriety. I’m Irish and would have it written in Irish “with sobriety comes strength”. It popped in my head one day and it’s true. You have to be strong and willing to become sober.
Actually, today has been a very low day, with urges and I just happened across rTribe in the app store. To be honest reading the few true stories so far, for some reason made me feel a lot better today.
Where do you hope you will be in a year if your recovery continues to stay solid?
I hope to keep my sobriety, gain more trust from my family and others, and help others down the same path.
What words can you offer those who are reading your story and feel stuck?
I’m not going to lie, sobriety is hard. You will want to act out. Urges are everywhere. I remember times I cried in my office with the door shut wanting to quit and give up.
Matt, Thank You for sharing. We’re excited that you found our app and are staying committed to your sobriety. We know your story was probably hard to write down, but as you noted above, these are very powerful and will help others.
Alex, Josh & the rTribe Community
P.S. Want to share Your Freedom Story? We’d like to publish a new Freedom Story every week and if you have something you want to say to the entire Tribe, let us know.