6 Ways to Help as a Guide

So, someone has asked for your help as a Guide on rTribe.

And what is rTribe anyways? If you haven’t heard, rTribe is an innovative online community of people who are tracking and sharing their struggles and victories daily to experience deep transformation.

Tribers, as we call them, use rTribe to overcome their deepest struggles, addictions, and pain. We also help connect people to counselors and coaches if they choose to. To learn more check us out at rtribe.org.

In short, we help people live connected and feel better. That’s where you come in!

So now that you’ve been asked to be a Guide, how can you best help?

First, recognize and affirm their courage.

Affirming your friend’s courage in
adding you as a guide and owning their struggles is powerful. Most people who struggle with a relationship, or with mental or emotional health issues may not want or know how to talk about it.

Second, consider this a test.

The person who wants you to be a guide will most likely be wondering “will they judge me?” or “can they help me?”  It’s important to let them know that you will not judge them.

They might not be thinking of it as a test, but this experience is a powerful test of if you will accept them in the pain and difficulty and ambiguity of where they are, or if you need them to change in order to accept them?

The most important thing you can do is have a posture of acceptance. If they asked you to be a guide it’s because they trust and respect you. So it is a huge gift for you to simply be available, listen, and ask great questions. More on this below.

Part of this posture of acceptance, is you can acknowledge that you recognize they might struggle to be honest.  Or they might avoid you. You could say “Hey, I know there are going to be times you might not tell the whole truth or where it’s just easier to avoid connecting with me. If that happens, when you feel ready, let me know, I won’t be upset about it. I’m just here to help you.”

Third, ask the person you are guiding what their expectations are.  

You could ask “How can I support you? Do you want me to follow up every week?  Or, just let you know I received it?”

If they use rTribe and have signed you up for weekly emails, we recommend you follow up and let them know “got the email, you want to chat about it?”  If someone is sending you their stats every week, they will probably wonder if you got it, what you think about it, etc.

Fourth, learn the effective ingredients of accountability.  

We recommend you check out 3 Ingredients Every Recovery Friendship Needs.  Whether your friend is an addict or not, these are guiding principles that will help.

You’ll learn practical advice for what to do when someone is struggling. You’ll also learn how to ask helpful questions.  Learning those two skills could make all the difference for the person you are guiding.

You don’t want to miss out on that!

Fifth, consider joining the Tribe!

It might be helpful for you to join rTribe yourself. Even if it’s for a few weeks to get a feel for what your friend is going through and to familiarize yourself with rTribe.

Perhaps there is something you’re struggling with and rTribe can give you additional tools and connection help you find victory.

Go to https://get.rtribe.org/ on your phone to download the rTribe app. Choose a struggle, add a friend, and check-in daily.

To learn more about how to get started on rTribe read this guide.

Sixth, it’s going to be tough at times.  

Deep personal transformation is profound stuff. If you haven’t struggled with a mental or emotional health disorder, you might be confused as to why the person you are helping just can’t ‘help themselves’ and change more quickly (by the way, the person you are trying to help is probably asking themselves the same question).  

Sometimes it’s like watching someone hold their hand on a hot stove. You want to grab their hand, but you’ll soon realize only the person you are helping can make that choice.  

What you can do is point out the smell of burning flesh. You can empathize and say “Wow, that must be painful to be burning yourself and feel like you can’t stop.”  In other words, being a good guide is a balance of compassion and confrontation.

It’s going to be tough at times. It’s a big responsibility and we are very grateful for you taking this role on.

What has worked best for you when you’ve been helped by a guide or mentor? What was it they did that was most impactful?
What’s been most helpful as you’ve supported others who are deeply struggling?
Talk to your own mentors and peers and use this as an invitation for your own growth.

Helping others find victory over their struggles is one of the most rewarding things you can do. Thanks of your support and welcome to the Tribe as a Guide!

Josh, Alex, and the team at rTribe